I recently received an email from someone who use the term ‘other half’, and was interested to observe that this expression irritated me. Why? It is a term often used to refer to a husband or wife. A quick internet search revealed that it wasn’t originally restricted to referring to one’s spouse as we use it now, but to a dear friend. It was used by the Roman poet Horace and later by Statius. The allusion then was to a friend so dear that he/she was more than half of a person’s being. That meaning persists, although these days it is generally considered to mean ‘the superior half of a married couple’. Sir Philip Sidney was the first to put into print the use of this phrase to mean spouse, in The Countesse of Pembrokes Arcadia, 1580: “My deare, my better halfe (sayd hee) I find I must now leaue thee.”
I think what irritates me about this expression is the inference that we are incomplete without a spouse or partner. This media-fuelled belief encourages the romantic ideal of finding your perfect match; your other half. The truth is we have to be whole first before we start searching.
In relationships I have learnt that if I am not whole, no one can make me whole, no matter what they do. I have to BE love, in order to be loved. When we are whole, complete, self accepting, we attract another whole person, no searching required!
How do you know if you are whole? When you can enjoy life on your own and create your own happiness; when you can love without expecting anything in return; when you don’t seek to possess or control another; when you can love and let go. And when you are whole remember to tell the Universe, “I am ready!” Love WILL find you.
Rather than being someone’s ‘other half’, I want to be the icing on their wholesome, complete cake; an enhancement, not a vital ingredient! As a cake myself I am happy without icing, but life is sweeter with it! Here’s hoping that one day I meet another cake who just wants to be iced!
